When My Son Asked About Death: Learning to Be Comfortable with the Inevitable

The other day, after a conversation I had with my mom about end-of-life planning, my youngest son looked at me with curiosity and asked,“Why are you so comfortable talking about death?” It stopped me in my tracks—not because I didn’t know the answer, but because his question reminded me how uncommon that comfort is.

In a culture that avoids death, whispers about it, or treats it as something to fear or outrun, being at ease with conversations about dying can feel unusual—especially to a child. We’re often taught to push these thoughts away, to stay positive, to focus only on living. But his question opened the door to something important: a chance to reflect on why talking about death doesn’t feel morbid or scary to me, and why learning to approach it with openness can actually help us live more fully.

Preparing for death isn’t about fear—it’s about understanding the full arc of life and finding peace in every stage.

Death Is Not a Failure—It’s Part of Nature

Everything in nature has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Leaves change color and fall. Seasons shift. Animals are born, live, and die. Even stars have lifespans. Death is not separate from life—it is woven into it.

Yet somewhere along the way, we began treating death as something unnatural, something to fight at all costs, or something best left unspoken. We’ve medicalized it, hidden it away, and often left families unprepared—emotionally and practically—when it arrives.

But death is not a failure.It is not a sign of weakness.It is not something that happens only when things go “wrong.” It is part of the human experience. When we can begin to accept that truth, the conversation shifts. Fear loosens its grip. And space opens up for honesty, compassion, and intention.

Why Talking About Death Can Actually Bring Peace

As a social worker, care manager, and someone who has walked alongside individuals and families during some of their most vulnerable moments, I’ve seen what happens when death is never discussed until a crisis hits.

I’ve seen families scrambling to make decisions they never talked about. Loved ones disagreeing because wishes were never clearly stated. Caregivers carrying guilt, wondering if they made the “right” choice. And I’ve also seen the opposite. I’ve seen the calm that comes when someone knows their loved one’s wishes. The relief of having a plan. The peace that settles in when conversations have already been had—gently, over time, without urgency or fear.

Talking about death doesn’t make it happen sooner. Avoiding it doesn’t prevent it.

But talking about it does give us direction—helping us move from fear to understanding, from uncertainty to intention, and from silence to clarity.

From Fear to Familiarity: Normalizing the Conversation

When my son asked why I was comfortable talking about death, I answered him honestly, in a way he could understand: “I talk about it because it’s part of life—and because planning helps people feel less scared and more cared for.”

Children are often more open to these conversations than we expect. They sense when adults are uncomfortable, and they learn from our reactions. When we approach death with honesty and calm—not graphic detail, but openness—we teach them that it’s okay to ask questions, to be curious, and to express feelings about loss and change. Becoming comfortable with death isn’t about being detached or unemotional.It’s about being prepared, present, and compassionate.

The Gift of Peace

Being at peace—emotionally, relationally, and spiritually—can profoundly shape how we experience the end of life. When unresolved conflicts are addressed, important words are spoken, forgiveness is offered or received, and love is expressed freely, the weight we carry begins to lighten. Peace does not mean the absence of grief or fear. It means meeting what comes with honesty, acceptance, and a sense of completion.

For many, cultivating peace allows death to feel less like something happening to them and more like a natural closing of a life that was lived with intention, connection, and care. It is one of the greatest gifts we can offer ourselves—and the people who love us.

Planning as an Act of Love

One of the most powerful reframes around end-of-life planning is this: Planning is not about dying—it’s about caring for the people you love. When we take time to clarify our wishes, we are offering a gift to those who may one day have to speak on our behalf. We are reducing uncertainty. We are easing emotional burden. We are saying, “I thought about this so you don’t have to guess.”

Planning does not have to be overwhelming. It can be done gradually, thoughtfully, and at your own pace. Some helpful planning tools include:

• Advance Directives & Living Wills: These documents outline your preferences for medical care if you’re unable to speak for yourself. They help guide decisions around life-sustaining treatments, comfort measures, and quality of life.

• Health Care Power of Attorney: Designating a trusted person to make medical decisions on your behalf ensures your values are honored by someone who knows you—not just by default systems.

• POLST or MOLST Forms (when appropriate): For individuals with serious illness or advanced age, these medical orders translate wishes into actionable instructions for healthcare providers.

• Funeral and Memorial Preferences: This doesn’t have to be detailed—but even general preferences can relieve families of difficult decisions during times of grief.

• Digital & Practical Planning: Passwords, important contacts, documents, and basic instructions can prevent confusion and stress later.

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None of this needs to be done all at once. Small steps matter.

Communicating Wishes: An Ongoing Conversation

Documents are important—but conversations are essential. Planning is not a one-time task. It evolves as life changes. Talking openly with loved ones about values, fears, and hopes around illness and death helps ensure plans are understood, not just written down.

You might start with questions like:

• What matters most to you if you were seriously ill?

• What does quality of life mean to you?

• Are there things you worry about at the end of life?

• How can I best support you if decisions ever need to be made?

  
  

These conversations don’t need to be heavy. They can happen over coffee, during a walk, or after moments—like the one I shared with my mom—when the topic naturally arises.

Resources to Support the Journey

If this feels overwhelming, you don’t have to navigate it alone. There are thoughtful resources designed to help make these conversations easier:

• The Conversation Project – Conversation guides and starter tools for talking with loved ones

• Five Wishes – A user-friendly advance care planning document

• PREPARE for Your Care – Step-by-step guidance for medical decision planning

• End-of-Life Doulas & Care Managers – Professionals who help individuals and families navigate planning with compassion and clarity

Seeking support doesn’t mean something is wrong—it means you’re being intentional.

Living Fully by Accepting Mortality

Becoming comfortable with death has, in many ways, made me more present in life.

It reminds me to prioritize what matters. To say what needs to be said. To show up with love and intention.

When we stop treating death as a forbidden topic, we reclaim something deeply human: our ability to prepare, to connect, and to care for one another—across generations.

My son’s question reminded me that comfort with death isn’t innate—it’s learned. And it’s something we can gently pass on by how we speak, plan, and show up for one another.

Death is part of the natural process. Planning is an act of love. And talking about it—openly, honestly, and without fear—can help us all live with greater peace.